This One Goes Out To the Special Ones: Everyone.

As old ones leave, others come in.

That’s  how it usually is with people, right?

Except family, family is always there.

So I wanted to dedicated this blog to everyone I have come to know.

Everyone anyone meets, sort of have a great effect on their life.

I could list everyone on here and thank them individually for all they have done for me , but that list could go on forever~!

I wish I could! It would take a life time though.

This is going to be a short blog, and to come to a  conclusion, everyone is important as we try to solve this puzzle called: Life.

Each puzzle piece a person, with different lessons they teach you, whether intentionally or not. Whether good or bad. Whether it works or not. They build up part of who we are, right?

Sometimes, we can choose who to let in, but sometimes, people barge in. No matter how they got in, they are important.

Really, I  just wanted to write this, to let everyone know that even if we haven’t talked for days, or weeks, or months, or even years, I still and always will remember you, whoever you are that is reading this.

Regardless of my bad memory, I am good at remembering everyone I have met and the memories we made.  That is how I am able to retrieve things here and there from my head.

That is why people, to me, are important. Not only do they have a great impact in my life, but! they also help me remember.

You guys are all wonderful, and I feel like  Life and I, have chosen great and amazing people to come in. ♥

The Realization!

So this tittle came up in my head last night.

I figured out some things here and there…

A blog or two ago… I don’t quite remember…

Yeah it was the last blog…

I said things happen for a reason, right?

Time, cause and effect, reasons… all quite interesting things, I thought. They are also perplexities I wish i could understand… but everything has its time.

This year… my goodness… I feel like I have overstretched the situations in which I was involved. I am not big fan of drama…eeeh

Maybe a little, but it was getting to be too much. I am still trying to forget everything… but as I remember back…

I realized, actually, I am pretty content with how things worked out.

I was not happy, always complaining, impatient, and so confused. Not fun at all.

People, family, friends, and even my co-workers, had told me the saaame thing: “Learn from it”.

But learn what?  I didn’t know what to get from it… But then it hit me last night!

I have never felt heartache before… maybe tiny ones… like, mini heart attacks, but were minor and forgotten.

And so before, when friends came to me with heartache, I wouldn’t know what to do!

But now I do, I am able to sympathize, which is the thing I am good at. I don’t give the BEST advice, but I like to comfort people who have gone through so much, because I have also gone through some rough patches in the last 18 years that I can remember.

I also realized I am too much of a people pleaser… but that is who I am. I think it is a good quality of mine, but also it could backfire on me. So, I am trying to build up new walls, that way I am able to protect myself from hurting.

And then I realized another thing. I have a terrible memory, but now I know why. I have always built up walls before. Those walls that only certain people will be able to tear down. The way I build up my walls are through repressing memories. I think that is why I have a terrible memory, and I will only remember insignificant things. I wonder if it isn’t just me…

But I do that!  How strange…

My best friends had told me ” Remember the good things”…. but as I do, they only hurt, and so I am repressing them. I deleted everything and anything that triggered my memories.  I am still trying to get rid of one more thing…

I would throw it away in the trash… but that’s a waste. I think I will just donate it to a children’s place.

Anyway~

So I did learn one thing, sympathizing a little better with a wider range of people, AND I also learned a little about myself.

Maybe repressing memories is a bad way to build up my walls, but it hurts less.

Yeah, I know… you can already hear that Gotye song in your head.

” You didn’t have to cut me off. Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing.”

Well Gotye, I did, and if you cared, you wouldn’t get so bothered by it, because it is only way it won’t hurt. So stop nagging!

Too bad I” caught you hung up on somebody that you used to know.”

Nooooow that song makes sense!

Isn’t it funny, how a song you probably listened to so much because the song just sounded good, and then something happens, and THEN it makes sense!

Wooo! What a crazy realization!!  Realizations here and there!

Life is so funny sometimes! Ha ha ha! d:

My Religion.

Change.

That is what this year has all been about for me. In all honesty, it is all good change actually. It may have seemed bad at first, but then I realized that this is all actually for the better.

And so this leads to my topic of the day… or more like week… ( I think I am just going to do these blogs every Wednesday).

I will start with my back story and preliminate up to my main point.

If you guys do not know… I am Mexican. Traditionally, the majority of all Mexicans are Catholic, right?

Right. So when I was a baby, I was baptized Catholic.

I don’t quite remember going to church every Sunday… But I am pretty sure we did,  since my grandma is a very strict Catholic.  My mom even went to Catholic school. So here begins my religion path…

So, when I was 6, I remember going to a new Catholic church in Las Vegas, NV. My family would go every other Sunday… or sometimes once a month… haha. But we did certainly go every Christmas eve.

I think we went there for a few years…. Maybe up to the time when I was 10?

The only thing I remember learning  were a few prayers my mom taught us, my sister and I. We would recite them every night together before we went to bed.

Now, here was the problem… I didn’t understand what religion was. All I knew was that there was a God. Someone who looked after us, someone who you tell your problems to, and someone whom you ask things for. That is all I knew… for a very long time.

My mom was not that traditional. She had different views about the Catholic church and how they did things. She was so nontraditional that I never did my fist communion… or anything else afterwards… I don’t even know what it is…

I never understood what they talked about in church. I’ll be honest. I was bored out of my mind. All I would do is take the Bible or music book on the benches and started flipping through them. I would also just look around the church and make up stories from the paintings on the ceiling.

I was young, and nothing, not this… made sense to me. So I pretty much grew up not understanding my own religion I was baptized to. Pretty sad, huh.

After my parent’s divorce… I was about 11 years old, we completely stopped going to church. During those times, from when I was 11 until I was 15… those years were terrible. My dad started drinking again. My mom’s relationship with her boss angered me. I was completely lost and was completely losing faith in anything. This was the time in which I was going through a depression. I was still confused about my parent’s marriage. My best friend wouldn’t talk to me and was bullying me at the same time. I hated school for a while and all I wanted to do was just get over with the day.

So around the time I was 13, my dad decided to turn things around. We began going to a Christian church. I remember my dad’s friends had convinced him to go, seeing how things were going in our family.

My mom had gone a few times… but it never stuck to her… but my dad, my dad became fervent to this church… for a while.

My sister and I would accompany my dad to this church every Sunday( oh how my sister hated going).  It was quite beautiful to me, what the pastor would talk about. I still didn’t understand how one could take a little from the Bible, and put it in our everyday life. I found it interesting and amazing.

My dad went on a retreat and became a different man. He seemed happier and to me, he seemed to have a different aura. Yet, I still saw his anger towards my mom…

I went to that retreat a few months later I believe… I think it was the summer before 8th grade…or after… It was a long time ago. Unlike my dad, I didn’t get baptized Christian… because of what happened next.

We stopped going to that church after sometime. My dad got a new girlfriend.  I hated her with a passion. I hated going over to her house. I just had a bad vibe from this woman… who in the end turned out to be a whore. No, seriously, she did, she would sleep with different guys like every weekend, I’m not kidding!

During those 2 years my dad was with her… my sister and I suffered. We had to go over to her place, because my dad lived with her… My sister and I hated it. I hated because all we would do on the weekends there, was watch t.v. or be on my laptop doing whatever. We suffered because we felt neglected. My dad would pay no attention to us at all. Some weekends, I remember, I would make up lies about projects or homework I had to do, just so I wouldn’t have to go over to my dad’s. I always had a terrible time at my dad’s. I had a strong odious towards this life I lived in the moment. I still do. I try to repress these memories.

My dad eventually left her… finally opening his eyes and seeing how she was a slut, a bad mother, and just a terrible person. I knew it from the start. My sister and I. There really was no helping her either. And it was sad… because in the end, she became ill from a disease called lupus, and her daughter became sick as well… from something else I can’t remember… Just so sad and something I would not wish on anyone. I just felt lament for them.

So, 16 came around. Just focused on school, had the best group of friends I could ask for, my dad was finally out of that relationship and began to go to church again ( still had a bad relationship with my dad at the time), and I was quite happy at my house.

But all good things come to an end… recession hit really hard in Las Vegas, and my parent’s business was not going well at all. I was about to move to Denver, Colorado. There was a job waiting for my step-dad. Unfortunately he didn’t get it, and so we moved here, to California.

I won’t get all detailed with the past 3 years… but it was quite hard…. not the best time of my life, that is for sure.

During those 2-3 years… I lost faith completely. I had become atheist. I was influenced by my sister, because we would both talk and in the end, that is what we decided to label ourselves. Those 3 years… were just the most terrible thing I have ever gone through. i have never told anyone about it. But it was a hardship that made our little family realize how to appreciate for all things we have. The one thing I will say, we might as well have been homeless for about 2 years. That is how bad that was. It was terrible. Although I did do fantastic in my Junior year and I got good grades, I still try to repress that year. Worst year ever.

During that time, i did lose faith… but all that did was put me in the dark. I felt lost, alone, hopeless. And  it brought a bit more sadness.

This year… just brought on more of that. I was lost, confused, and I needed something good to happen. January was the worst of this year. February though, things began to look brighter, and this is why.

I thought my dad was going to leave at the time in January ( he never did after all).  I began to call him more, thinking I would never see him again, and I tried to reestablish and fix our relationship, and like all dads, they always know what to say.

He told me about God. He always has, but I never listened, but this time I did. So I began to pray again, thanking God for everything, for all these past years. I thanked Him for all the hardships, and all the good things as well. I began to thank Him everyday for my family and friend’s health and safety.  It all brought some light into my life, and the things I was going through became easier.

So I decided to get back to Christianity, because I did understand it when I was younger, and I felt like this is the religion for me. So I asked my dad to ask around his church for the right Bible for me. I want to see what it can do for me, and I want to get out of the shadows and learn some more. I don’t want to be lost again. And I don’t want to be ignorant.

I began believing in Him because I believe He is the reason why things happen. Everything happens for a reason, right? And He is the one with all the reason. He knows why things happen to us, and I will figure that out as I keep on living my life.

So, that is a little bit of history of me, and maybe it can be of something for my readers…

I don’t want to influence people to convert, you know? But, I do want to say that people should have faith in something… because without faith, there is no hope, and with no hope, there is no moving forward. I have finally realized that this one of the reasons why religion is so important, and I cannot wait until I make this part of my life. (:

End of a Chapter.

I feel like venting today.

Sometimes when I need to get some sense in my head, I tend to talk out my feelings with my family… a friend… or anyone, really.

But I don’t need advice. I just need someone to hear me out. I like to talk on forever, because eventually, I get to the point where I understand something, or I come to an epiphany.

I am going to be very blunt in this one.  No details, just talk.

So, sometimes, the unexpected comes to us… unexpectedly of course. Not everything can be prominent because you pretty much don’t see what is behind another person’s mind. All we can see is our own perspective.

This just sort of sank my heart in a weird way, a way in which I have never felt before. Did you guys know that heart pain.. emotional ones… hurt so much physically too… oh gosh, I  feel nauseous.

Only after a day, I’ve done so much brooding  that, it has caused me to do a handful of things…

Nothing can be undone. Everything is indelible and can never be effaced.

*sigh*  Most of the time I would rather be ignorant about such things… but on the other hand, I don’t want to be in the dark.

And without being ignorant, I did what was right. I apologized for anything that I’ve caused. In my nature, it is propriety to forgive, or else that guilt will eat me up and will always be in the back of my head.  I wanted to vindicate myself from being called a bitch.  That is not who I want to be. So I did what I had to do.

At the moment, I feel as though these feelings, this situation is insurmountable. But it’s only a small part of my life. I’ll get over it. Time is the best medicine to get better… the heart anyway.

I was trying to figure out the simple solution to all of this. I struggled last night to sleep.

I woke up early today, walked for a while and I got to that solution.

Yes, I became fervent, attached, and I ended up getting hurt. I was bound to get hurt anyway. It was inevitable because of other people. I feel like I am in the way now.

The best thing for me to do is let go, forgive, and continue living my life.

This bullshit is all  this is. Just that, bullshit. I am not stupid. So much evasiveness.  =_=”

I have better and more important things to worry about.

I think I became influenced by other people, seeing how they were the type of people who always are just.. oh how to be blunt about this.. well, just looking… and trying to get that thing, constantly!

But I was never like that. I just always focused on my things, always have been that way. My education, my future, and now as I am growing older and more selfless, my family. I will be honest, I was a brat, spoiled and only cared for myself before. But after these past 3 years, the hardships we have gone through, have taught me sooo much. If it weren’t for those events, i don’t think I would be the person I am trying to become.

I cannot let this get to me. And for the sake of others, I am going to stay out of their way, and be on my own path.

I am not letting this make me abnegate my path to where I want to be. Because if I linger in this, I am not gonna get anywhere.

And that is my realization.

And so that is the end this chapter. On to the next!

I am ferment and looking forward to what life has for me next.

haha. And now after this… that pain is mitigating. And I feel a bit more relieved.

I trust in God, and I hope that He leads me to a great life with my will and strength to carry on.

🙂

There is a Time for Everything.

So, as you can tell, my blogs are not going to be constant.

There is not a specific day in which I will posts these. I have a very unpredictable schedule.

I barely have time to myself!

I don’t owe anyone an explanation, so on to my topic of the day!

In my experience this year, I have gone through A LOT!

But, Andie, it has only been 3 months…

I know, I know.

But! A lot can happen in 3 months!

I won’t be too specific… or at all, really. I will just say I went through a time of depression, I was abject, and morose.

I have not gone through all of that since… well, my parent’s divorce. To me, it had been the most miserable time I’ve ever gone through.

I cried almost every single day, anytime I was alone, FOR 3 WEEKS!

I tried to distract myself, but I ended up thinking about those things that depressed me.

Just a horrible, horrible time.

But! then there came a video.

In this age, we pretty much have grown up with the interweb, and all its marvelous things it has to offer.

So i stumbled upon a video. I will share, if anyone is interested, at the end.

Well, it made me think for a while.

“I cannot just sit here and do nothing! Crying and thinking is not going to get me anywhere!”

And so I thought about improving myself.

First step, making a list of things I want to accomplish. I do this every month. I make a list of things that need to be done. I did one for February, did almost everything on that  list. March… well… kinda… haha. But setting these goals helped me focus on the things I needed to do. Prioritizing, very important!

Next.

Now, because of family situations, I could not go to school this semester. What I am doing now is reading. But I am not just reading any books, I am reading classics.  January, I read Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen, and February I finished Little Women by Louisa May Alcott. At the moment, I am reading Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoyevsky.  A book I had to read last year… but I got a bad case of senioritis… and well… never got around to reading it.

It is a very good book, if you never read it, I recommend it.

As I read the book, I write down words I don’t know and I learn new vocabulary. I don’t want to stop learning, and this is being productive. I am not just sitting on the couch, watching tv, and waiting for other things to happen. NO!

There is a time for everything.

What I mean by that is that… well, let me explain.

So I went through a miserable time. Those three horrible weeks, but, well, they helped me reflect.  That time helped me see some flaws I had and recognize past mistakes. I went though a repentant phase. I recognized my laziness. I became aware that it was time to change, and for the better.

Once I started the process of changing, all of the sudden, the littlest things happened, by just having a positive attitude about everything.

My family, my job, my books and self taught education, became my priorities, for right now.

I am pretty sure more things will come my way, but I am handling things rather well right now.

Those things that made me depressed, hopeless. and miserable, began to fade away. Time does that, it mends the heart back together, little by little.

I can honestly say, I am very happy right now, and it is all thanks to the things that happened to me in the beginning of the year.

The past is indelible and can never be changed, but from the most horrible things we go through, we can learn from them and move on as better and stronger persons.

If you are going through something hard and stressful, it is your time to be stressed, depressed, and abject.

There is a saying which I know most of you internet lovers know: ” After every storm, there is a rainbow.”

And so, the storm you’re in, will blow over to someone else sooner or later.

Patience, good attitude, and goals are key.

Don’t give up, even though it seems like your world is crumbling down, because it is not. On the contrary,  your world is becoming easier to live in. You grow as a person, and if you have the heart and the will, you will over come anything that comes your way. Have faith and believe you will be able to do it. What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger. I am now a true believer of that.

Personally, I have gone through some hard times, and despite all of the miserable things I had to go through, I am on a great path to become a great person, someone to look up to.  I am aiming to be magnanimous.

So there you go people.

It can be a lonely world out there, feeling that you’re the only one going through this alone… well, it is! But it is important to be able to become independent. So don’t be afraid. “What are you afraid of? Just do what you have to do.” that’s what I always keep saying to myself. It helps.

Now if you have 20 min to spare, watch this video. It might help some of you.

My Declaration.

To date, I think that some parts of me have remained the same. Somethings I have thrown away, seeing that those things were not what I want to be.

I am talking about my persona.

People tend to see me as a very nice, innocent, and kind person. I agree. That is who I strive to be.  Those are just people who see me from a distance, or  from a simple, “Hello”.

If you were to get up close to who I really am… to personally know me, I think some of those opinions may change…

I can be self conscience, arrogant at times, emotionally hurtful, jealous, narcissist, a push over, shy, impulsive, and repressive.

So many things I do not wish to be. Most of these things have made me hurt people I have come to love. As a result, I hurt myself too…

What Michael Aranda says, (you will know who that is at the end of this blog) is true.  The beautiful things about us humans is that, we can recognize our faults, our flaws, and we strive to be better. He inspired me to do this. He stated his declaration, and this one is mine.

This is my declaration:

Now is the time to become a woman who is admirable.

Someone who anyone can look up to.

I want to be selfless and think about what is important, such as my family, the most important people in my world.

I want to be a wise and lovely person. Someone worth talking to.

I want to be able to see all the beautiful things in every person I meet.

I want to show appreciation and love,  to those who have become important in my life.

I want to be able to act upon the things that need to be done, in order to achieve all the goals I have set myself to.

I want to be able to love who I am, by making myself the person I want to be.

I want to be an amazing, helpful, open minded, self spoken woman.

~~~~~~~~

That is my declaration. And it is true, I cannot achieve perfection, but it is a great motivation, drive,  goal, and great pursuit to attempt.

I will now do any little thing that will allow me to mold myself into the person I want to become.

Of course, it makes sense that this will take time. You don’t just wake up and automatically become this new person. You have to shape yourself, build yourself up to who you want to become.

And this might all change over time. Things may be added to my list as people stubble upon my life and become great influences and show me better ways to achieve who I want to be.

Life is a great journey, but with the right mind set, it can be even greater!

And so, i cannot wait to learn so much more!  To become this person, will be a great adventure!

~~~~~~~~

Now watch this video. Maybe it will inspire you as well.

This was My Declaration. What’s yours?

Creating My Own World

So yesterday, after I wrote the last blog, I did take a shower.

And guess what!

I came up with a handful of topics!

And I am excited to write about them!

Today, I decided to write about what was going on in my head last night.

Now, every night, before my sister and I go to bed, we have what i like to call: “Bed talks”.

Talks married people have before they go to sleep.

But, I am not married ( thank goodness) , and so I talk to my sister.

We can talk …. or well, I can talk on forever about things going through my mind and I ask her for her opinion.

Last night, I told her about a vision I had while I was showering.

~~~~~~~~

 I enjoy living with my family, sharing a room with my sister, and keeping a small side of the room all to myself to decorate.

Buuuut~~~

Recently, since I started earning more money than I had expected in earning these last few weeks, I began to buy a few trinquets here and there. I bought this beautiful piece of art just last week. It has three beautiful butterflies, it is divine. I love it.

And so, just by doing this, I began to think of different things I would love to add to my future apartment or studio.

Hmmm….I will probably start with a studio… hahaha, I am not rich!

I would love to live by myself of course, and I would love to decorate my room anyway I want it.

I want beautiful shades of blue around my room. I want those butterfly decorative.. umm.. things, and have a more natural kind of feel to my room.

I want a nice, vintage looking, bookcase, to  keep on going with my book collection I had begun 4 years ago.

To be surrounded by the things I love in my own little place… wow… That would be just fantastic and comfortable!

I’d gladly fill it with visitors! I love to be around people I am comfortable with, and my closest friends would be invited, of course.

I would also looove to have my mini art studio at a corner of my room!

And that is just my room. Once I live on my own, I will be able to chose the foods I eat!

Don’t get me wrong, I love my mother’s cooking, but it isn’t the healthiest….

I want to eat more greens, more fruits that I love, and have more of my favorite snacks.

To get to the point of this blog… I just want my own little world, my place of peace, my sanctuary!

….~

But, all of this probably won’t happen for another 2-5 years… I hope it doesn’t take me long to live on my own!

I still have a few things to learn about the adult world… and until I am ready to leave the nest… i can’t get out of the small room I share with my sister who has the opposite taste I do.

I once had my own little world for a little while when I was in 11 ~

My room was pink and purple. The walls pink and purple butterflies here and there.

The closet door was all purple with pink butterflies I painted myself. My bed was so pretty! and purple.. and flowing over my bed was a pretty white canopy.. I think that was white… or purple…

No, I think it was white… with butterflies on it…

Truth be told… not my ideal room. It was nice… but back then.. I still felt a girl was suppose to like only pinks and purples…

It was alright for me at the moment… but, I think back and if that was my room right now… oh my gosh I would run over to Home Depot and buy new paint!

My goodness! I don’t even like purple!

Pink is alright, but not my favorite …

haha,

Anyway… I just cannot wait until I live on my own. I am going to make my place the most prettiest and most pleasant place to be.

Yeah… very girly blog… Or I mean, I am pretty sure guys also want to live on their own because the get tired of being told to clean up after themselves by their mothers… and they want more liberty, right?

I don’t know. I am being prejudice, sorry!

Hey! I want more liberty too. Hahaha.

Okay, I promise my next blog will be a bit more… philosophical..

And deeper topics too, I am excited to share about that.

Showers just do wonders, don’t they?!

Yes, yes they do.

What to write about…

This is harder than I thought it would be.

When I began this blog again, various topics began to rush through my head!

I thought I would write so much; I was in a ferment mood when I started!

I think …this isn’t just me, but, do you guys ever just think so much when you are alone, in a quiet place, or in the shower?

Maybe I need to take a shower right now… Maybe something will come up!

I used to write about exciting parts of my week in  past blogs… but now, there really isn’t much going on.

Morning routine, shopping, gym, dinner, television, internet, sleep… Booooring! And on Saturdays and Sundays, work. I guess I could write about work if something interesting happens… but nothing really interesting happens….  If something does ever happen, I will be sure to write about it.

I guess I am having a writer’s block… But it wasn’t this hard to think about things before…

Me thinking so much was the reason of starting this blog! One of the most important reasons anyway…

At the gym, I aaaalways think at the gym. I think about my future, I think about people, I think about where I am going to be in the next 10 years!  I just burn through a lot of topics in an hour!  If I were there for more than an hour, well, topics in my mind would be perrenial!

Sometimes, I will think about something for about 15 minutes, and then that topic will lead to another, and another, and another. Sometimes I will try to remember what my first topic was and how it lead me to what I am thinking about now…

Wow… this blog turned into a topic about thinking… Hahaha!

I should probably rename this blog…

Nah. It will remain like that.

What I feel I need to do is to get out of my apartment, go out somewhere peaceful, read, and maybe do a little thinking. I need to get away from my computer and television; they are very distracting and won’t allow me to think.

I believe our thoughts make us who we are, and so I need to think and inquiringly begin to recognize what my opinions are about certain topics.  I am very prone to being easily influenced by other people, therefore, I think it is necessary for me to do this.

Hmm…I would go to a park and think… but seeing that there is someone out there trying to  kidnap kids…

I can take my chances! I will just bring my huge glass water bottle! I think I will be able to protect myself!

… Or Coffee Bean… Yeah… that is probably a safer place…

I will try not to be too much of a denizen there… If I do, I will be there a lot , drinking a lot of coffee and having sleepless nights… I wouldn’t want that!

Okay, I am done with this blog entry. Maybe next time I will bring something more interesting to the table.

The Beginning.

I had already written a beginning to this blog back in the first day of this year.

I decided to start anew, reason being, I was malaise due to a few problems going on at home in early January and trying to cope with other troubles that came in my way. All very overwhelming and stressful, and yet, so far I have learnt so much out of these circumstances in which I live in currently. Things, I believe, are progressively getting better and the problems have mitigated.  I feel better now and I am more apt to write about the things I have gone through, am going through, and the thoughts running through my head. Of course, there are private thoughts I will keep to myself, and not everything will be documented here. I just want to be able to speak out a little.

Not many people will come to see this blog, I know, but if some people care to hear me out and maybe relate a little to my thoughts and problems… well, I won’t feel so alone. I am just getting my ideas out there and keeping them at a place where I can reread them, and maybe even notice how my ideas and thoughts have changed over time.

I have had a few blogs before years back and I would write to my heart’s content; I have a lot to say! But as i reminisce about the things I wrote about, I feel that i have grown up a little more and everything about me is changing. My views in life especially. It is all part of growing up I presume.  I am still a little ignorant on a few things, but only because I have not experienced so much. I am only 18 at the moment,  going on 19. Not even 20% of my life! But just these past few weeks I have come to realize a few things and I would just like all of my thoughts to be put out there. I am still on the journey of trying to find out who I am exactly, but I am going to try to see who I am by writing about myself. I found this interesting quote:

“One of the most interesting things to observe in people is how their self-image contradicts the image others have of them. Almost all powerful characters can be described as hypocrites to some extent, because few are so self-aware that they understand all their own flaws and foibles.  Let your characters show themselves through what they do, and let their words contradict their behavior whenever possible to reveal even deeper character.” — Rachelle Gardner

That has some deep meaning, doesn’t it?

And so, I believe, that through what i will write, I will be able to understand myself,  by observing myself… If that makes any sense.

This is only the first of many.. or maybe a few… blogs this year. I will try to blog for a full year. I want to see what  I am able to observe and learn. I have a propensity to be curious about things involving people and life; especially mine.

This was a long preliminary to my new adventure, I know, but I promise to keep it as interesting as possible. I know… I know… too much to read. But I don’t mind myself. After all, this blog is mainly for myself, and I just welcome those who are interested in what I have to say.